Art and Money - What Constitutes as Selling Out?

Commercial & Artistic Pathways - Can they Converge?

The struggle for any one artist to become known and accepted at times is not an easy one.  I will freely admit that I seem to have gone about things arse about face.  I don't know why I do this as I have done this rather a lot in my life & although I learn from my many mistakes, it is not the easiest path to tread; often because there are thickets of bewilderment surrounding me and I literally can't see the woods from the trees.  

In my defence, living in Brittany has probably exacerbated this bad habit of mine.  Setting up a bona-fide business and trying to become established are not easy tasks anyway.  Trying to do this in a country which seems to have a perverse love-hate relationship of bureaucratic red-tape, in  a very different culture & language, (some of this being legal so harder to understand); & with no real idea of how things are done, just the knowledge of someone else's hear-say is nigh-on impossible.  Yet I have ploughed through all of the above & I am still doing so.

My artwork has generally been very detailed & as a result, these paintings are more expensive than something that is simpler but I have found it really difficult to get my head around this without becoming something that I am not.  My art is used to get certain points across, I do not want to be a bland imitation of myself.

Eden; The Mermaid's Dream of Evolution Whilst Realising that she is both Goddess & Aquatic Ape.  Trac Davies ©

This year I have been very lucky because, after meeting with another major obstacle, a French friend of mine offered to telephone the relevant bodies and discuss what needs to be done.  I always feel like I am right at the start of this particular journey, even though I have been going for some years now.  This is because as yet, every attempt of mine to set up so I can become established has gone spectacularly belly-up.  I now know why this happened & this was because I have been really unwell for quite a few years & I have not been able to focus on what needed doing.  In addition, I could not concentrate on reading my beloved French books & my French language just wasn't good enough.  

Conversationally, I am usually not too bad but when dealing with authorities I freeze up.  Their level of the French language is very much higher than mine is & this comes over in their manner towards me, which puts me on guard.  I am a waffle-box in my own language but I have always been naturally wary when dealing with anyone in business, the employment office or other authorities that have to be dealt with.  It is a natural wariness of someone who hates relying on others to help with paperwork or any aspect of their lives, but we have had to go to these people because any dossier in France is very complicated and we have become mired in complex paperwork and at times, haven't been able to sort it out.  This rubs against the grain, I like to do these things myself and if I can't, I become very wary and defensive without realising it.

My friend was on the telephone for me for over an hour and set up a meeting for me, which she also attended.  I am very grateful to her & realised that as she spoke to the relevant bodies & people, I had not been asking my questions in the right manner.  This is where many of us English slip-up, there are many formalities to be observed and ways of asking things here and I just don't know them.  

All I wanted to do was set up, was it really that difficult?  Why was this not working?  I actually already had some of the answers to these questions without realising it.  When health issues raise its ugly head, quite often, concentration and memory retention become a thing of the past.  It wasn't until I had an operation this year, that I realised how ill I had become.  A good example of this is my books, everything I tried to read slipped past my eyes and I couldn't retain the information.  In conversation, somebody would ask a question and I knew that I actually did know what was being asked, but I froze because I couldn't remember what I knew or how to respond.  I have spoken to many French and English people about this and they have all said the same, if you are tired or ill, your adopted language fails dismally.  However, it is very depressing when you go through this for a few years.

To cut a (very) long story short, the issue with becoming an artist in France is like the struggle for the equity card that you have in the UK.  You can't set up without being established, but you can't become established before you set up & I have just spent the last 5 years, going around in ever-decreasing circles & becoming really ill & getting nowhere.

WIP The Breton Sea ou La Mer de Bretagne - Trac Davies©

So what is the answer to this conundrum?  If I was better off financially, the answer would be simple, but I do not have the funds that can pay taxes & social charges whether I have earned something or not.  I COULD set up, but I need cash behind me & this depressingly similar scenario gets played out all over France, setting up here is really not that easy & if you are ill-prepared, you get stung big-time and can lose everything.

I discussed this with different people and thought about it, really thought about it and then made a decision.  I am self-taught as a painter but if I retrained here, I could combine the two to set up as an auto-entrepreneur.  An artist HAS to set up as a certain tax regime with the Maison des Artistes but there are ways of getting around this for people like me that are in reality just setting up & that is to become an artisan, making things that can be used in everyday use & are not for decorative purposes alone.  Now I probably could have just cobbled something together but this also goes against the grain.  I have decided to retrain in ceramics, it is something I have always wanted to do & after doing all the necessary things that needed to be done I am waiting on a decision.  I will probably start next year in February and yes, this delays the business being set up but I do not want to just wing it and fail so I will be walking this new path, which will eventually go alongside the other one.

In trying to sort out things for this, I contacted many ceramists here because although I have a course lined up (once it has been rubber-stamped by the right bodies); I needed to talk to others and spend time with a ceramist discovering the work itself.  Whilst doing this, I was contacted by one that asked if I would like to go to an exposition, which I did.  I have been very alone here, no real contact with anyone in the art world & I am so glad I went because I met with many wonderful artists but also discovered that I can sell paintings in two markets a year without registering.  I didn't know this and so will be attending just one because I didn't discover until early October & have had to crack on and churn a lot of abstracts out and this finally returns me to the point about selling out.

Birth of a Nebula. Trac Davies©

3. Under Different Oceans.  Trac Davies©

There isn't a lot of money in the rural area that I live in, so the paintings I have been creating for this Christmas market are smaller & not as detailed as some of the earlier works because nobody has the sort of money & it is the details that take so much longer.  This has had me hurtling down avenues of thought regarding commerical lines & painting something that I am happy with, despite it not being what I usually create.  

The point is there has to be a compromise, I have had to adjust my thinking for this market and was told what would sell for €60 here would be over €200 in Nantes!  Many people just cannot afford a painting if the price is elevated, so small and simple abstract type paintings seemed to be the answer but I am still reflecting about I would do this, because after this first market which is rather like a trial run, next year I will do two larger markets.

Spatial awareness - Trac Davies©

This is a real period of both discovery on what I can & cannot do and with real inner self-discovery.   I will keep you updated on what the decision regarding the ceramics course is, if it is a No, well it will be back to the drawing board but I will keep painting & those doors will eventually open for me.

The Path of the Wandering Star - Trac Davies©

My work can also be viewed at:

http://www.artfinder.com/trac-davies
https://www.etsy.com/shop/TracDaviesArtist
http://www.redbubble.com/people/tracdavies
http://tracdavies.deviantart.com/   
http://www.zazzle.co.uk/tracdaviesartist 
https://www.facebook.com/TracDaviesArtist
https://twitter.com/tracdavies
https://www.tsu.co/TracDaviesArtist

Trac Davies - Artist © 

 

Exposition - 12 Juillet 2016.

Exposition - 12 Juillet 2016, à la Mediathèque d'Allaire, Morbihan, France.

I am a great one for pontificating about my work online.  I can converse via facebook, my websites or my blogs what my work means to me & what some of it is about.  However, I am not a great one for public speaking and actually hate doing it.  I am more of a hermit than anything else & unless I have a song or a script in hand, I generally go all to pieces.

Yet I have bitten the bullet, I have an exhibition in our local Médiathèque for the whole of July, with an Art'Apéro on the 12th July.  This means that not only do I have to stand there, feeling nervous and stupid and stammer about my work, I have to do it in French.  So I will be able to go all to pieces not only in one language but two!

The 22 paintings for this event have already been chosen, I asked Brigitte & Jocelyne from the Médiathèque to come over and choose because my printer died and it was actually easier that they physically viewed all of the paintings to make their decision about what was suitable & what wasn't.

Photos were taken of the chosen paintings but I wasn't expecting a photo-shoot of myself with a the Colliding Worlds - The Silent Scream painting.  So, there I was, camera shy, looking like I had been dragged through a hedge backwards - which is normal for me, flushed and covered in cobwebs, having a photo taken for what I thought was the local magazine.  Thankfully they did this & not the press but it was a nerve-wracking experience & not one I enjoyed.

I didn't realise that this photo would be going into Ouest France as well & I do wish I looked a bit more like an artist that hadn't met the hedge!

Anyway, the Art'Apéro evening will be on the 12th July 2016, which is Tuesday, next week.  I am nervous but I am looking forwards to it.

I would like to thank both Brigitte Hascöet and Jocelyne Launay-Bacon from La Médiathèque d'Allaire for all their hard work, for everything that they have done & for putting up with me wittering away in very bad French! 

Here are the links for Ouest France & for Vivre à Allaire n°54 Avril 2016.

http://www.ouest-france.fr/bretagne/allaire-56350/les-peintures-de-tracy-davies-la-mediatheque-4345815

http://www.allaire.fr/?page=agenda&id_article=1348

My work can also be viewed at:

http://www.artfinder.com/trac-davies
https://www.etsy.com/shop/TracDaviesArtist
http://www.redbubble.com/people/tracdavies
http://tracdavies.deviantart.com/   
http://www.zazzle.co.uk/tracdaviesartist 
https://www.facebook.com/TracDaviesArtist
https://twitter.com/tracdavies
https://www.tsu.co/TracDaviesArtist

Trac Davies - Artist © 

Over-sensitivity: What it the point of it?

 

Dealing with Grief or; When you wear your heart on your sleeve but other people just don't get it & say you must toughen up.

All of my life I have been oversensitive.  I despise being over-sensitive & always have done.  I am that soppy person that will cry over the over-sentimental, children's programmes - even the Christmas Cartoons.   I have always hated being like this, as a child the smallest slight would set me off & certain programmes were banned in my childhood home. (Lassie for example, I was impossible after I watched that).  It wasn't until I was in late teens and early twenties that I learned to hold it together.

Just recently we lost our beloved cat, Shadow the Boot.  I have often talked about Shadow, she has been a constant companion for the past 12 - 13 years & a very good friend.  I was with her when she passed & afterwards it hit me very hard, there were lots of tears & these are still falling.  Grief is strange like that, it catches you out and it doesn't matter if the dearly departed is a person or a pet, the pain is much the same.

Today I happened across an acquaintance who said yes it is sad but it is an animal!  A human fair enough but an animal?  I did not mention it again but I thought; We are animals too, we are a different species but we are animals and why should we not grieve over a beloved pet? 

My mind, like my imagination tends to bounce everywhere, when I start cogitating, I explore corners that have light or darkness in them & I started to wonder where empathy and sensitivity became such a taboo subject. 

The Changing Goddess under the Wiccan Moon.  Trac Davies© 

I have already written the blog for this above painting, but it is Shadow that inspired me to paint her contented & purring presence,  asleep on the stairs.  She was with me during my creative moments, she would spend a lot of time with me when painting & was, in the truest of ways, my Shadow.  My son became an adult with her presence, my daughter knew her all of her life and she has been a staunch friend to both me and my husband.  So, at present, I feel very sad & miss her, this is what this blog is about, the over-sensitive souls that are always being told to get on with things, to toughen up, to get real, pull yourself together or grow up.

Many a time I have had people say to me that I shouldn't wear my heart on my sleeve, well-meaning friends that feel that emotions should be contained & to a point this is right.  Nothing would get done if we all went about bursting into tears or flying into fits of rage as we went about our daily life.  In truth, we as humans bottle a lot of stuff up, if this is not redressed later on and soon after it is bottled,  it will cause problems.  

The Grief & Rage of Boudica. Trac Davies© This is a WIP

However, there comes a time in life when bottling up is not an option, where our hearts are well and truly on our sleeves as they overflow with joy or sadness.  At these times, whatever we do we cannot stop emotions flowing.  Death is one of those times, when we lose someone we love the grief we feel is hard to bear, some of us just dissolve into floods of tears.  Although uncomfortable for many people, including the wailer this is actually healthy.  I have known those that do not grieve, cannot for some reason only to find later on, all those bottled emotions come out of nowhere & hits them like a truck.  The devastation that is caused by such emotions is very destructive.  The healing process then takes longer & is harder.  Unfortunately, with these bottled emotions of loss and grief come other feelings that have also been backed up by the main emotional blockage and in truth, these can make people really ill.


So, really, to sum it all up, sometimes over-sensitivity is a bonus & getting the emotions out into the open, getting it all out of your system is healthier & we heal faster, get over out grief faster.  It doesn't stop the dull ache of loss but it does help us come to terms with things better.  

But what if we can't stop?  What if our emotion is such that we never really accept the passing of a loved one?  I know people that are still in deep grief over a loved one that has passed many years after the event.  I feel this is usually over either the circumstances of the death or other things that has backed up behind the grief, things that are unresolved in that person or for that the two people involved in that relationship.  

It usually takes a while to start accepting that a person you love has passed on, but the ache gets less as time goes by.  I do not know if you really ever get over it all but you so eventually accept it and move on with your life.  Only once you have done this can we say that we have healed as best as we can but if the grief never ends & a passing is not accepted, there is more of a problem than grief alone.

The Tears of Benzaiten. - Trac Davies©

The issue can be that emotion, any emotion is addictive so people appear to become addicted to what they are feeling because it is feeding an inner part of them that feels loss or anger, any intense emotion feeds the ego.  All emotion is addictive and the more you feel it, the more addictive it is, which is why I always say every day is beautiful and try to be as contented as I can.  Life is hard, there are no illusions about that, even for us people that feel we should be riding about on an imaginary unicorn know it, so we might as well make the best of it and feed the inner person with contentment & strive to live for this ethos everyday.  

Ascension -Trac Davies©

It is easy to take a toxic route, in our lifetime we have all done it, everyone of us has this lesson to learn and it might take different forms in different people but it is there and it is one of the traps that Ego sets us.  

Nobody is perfect, so when you find yourself telling someone who is stricken with grief to get over themselves, if you find yourself advising a person with deep depression to pull themselves together, & if you find yourself belittling someone's grief with the "only an animal" attitude; take a good hard look in the mirror.  Then take a good look at the person who, despite appearances is really trying to deal with things the best they can & then try and work out who is the person that gains the most from these little pieces of advice & who is the person that does not.
  

Shadow The Boot.

In Memory of Shadow, The Moody old Boot that crossed Rainbow bridge Tuesday, 7 July, 7h20.

http://tracdaviesartist.blogspot.fr/2014/12/the-changing-goddess-under-wiccan-moon.html
http://tracdaviesartist.blogspot.fr/2015/02/emotions-accepting-rough-with-smooth.html

My work can also viewed at:

https://www.etsy.com/shop/TracDaviesArtist
http://www.redbubble.com/people/tracdavies
http://tracdavies.deviantart.com/   
http://www.zazzle.co.uk/tracdaviesartist 
https://www.facebook.com/TracDaviesArtist
https://twitter.com/tracdavies
https://www.instagram.com/tracdavies

Trac Davies - Artist © 

 

Dimensional Warriors Series - Part 1.

Dimensional Warriors - Living with Fibromyalgia:  Taking the Positive from the Negative Part 1.

Last year, I was officially diagnosed with a condition called Fibromyalgia.   Now, this condition is complex and I really do not want to go into the medical stuff because I don't know all of it myself but will discuss it from my point of view.  

I will start by own own general attitude to this news, it was a shock to discover I had fibromyalgia & for a year or two I found it really hard to accept.  Some of my lack of my acceptance stems from the public's general attitude  that this condition does not exsist; that it is all in the mind, that you are a lazy bugger & there is nothing wrong with you really & you need to get moving and why are you so slow and this is because you are unfit & you must lose weight (which I have, but that isn't the point); and blah, blah blah.  Having accusations thrown at you such as these are hard to tolerate and bear & so one usually goes into denial. 

The other reason for this lack of my acceptance stems from the facts that it appears that the medical side have no real clue as to why it occurs & why certain people get it and others don't.  I have read so many different and at times conflicting pieces of evidence regarding what causes fibro and I am unsure if medicine is actually any further down the road in knowing they whys & wherefores about this condition.  

From my point of view, I have a very low level of fibro, I do not have the full monty, it is either just low or at the start.  Of course I am hoping it is low rather than at the start and this is to do with the sensitivities that I deal with.  Medicine is one of them and I can now no longer take any type of painkiller or anti-inflammatory so I really do not want a high level of this condition & who does?  I have spoken to people that have high levels of fibro, I take my artistic beret off to these people for they cope with a level of pain that I do not & are knowledgeable about their condition.  In response, they do not know how I cope without medication.  I have had to & just do, because I am a stubborn and cantankerous old bugger & that is all there is to it.

Two of my friends, both with invisble diseases have said I should paint how it feels.  I contemplated what they said & I have done just this but I want to point out that for me at least, fibro has opened positive doors to understanding myself & I have changed a lot about my life because of this condition, which I will explain as I write this blog.

The Dimensional Warrior- The Battles we win. - Trac Davies©

This painting was the first in the series.  The Dimensional Warrior is about the daily battle & what it feels like when you live with chronic pain, it can cover many forms of invisible illness but with fibro you the Warrior, are dimensional because you are battling pain on more than one level.  It isn't as clear cut as you would like it to be.  

This painting demonstrates that you know you have lots of happy sunshine inside as indicated by the yellow background with its fluffy clouds.  It indicative of the internal positivity as you feel great internally & you use that to battle back the encroaching pain. You use all the energy you can to keep it at bay, so it doesn't totally overpower you but it still creeps in, & it licks at you. This demonstrates a good day, because despite it all, it hasn't got you totally.  The darker purples & reds is the dull ache of pain, the white is the nervous system kicking in.

The Twists & Turns of the Dimensional Warrior - Trac Davies©

This painting relates to the more positive aspects of fibro.  I have changed the way that I live & these days, I am able to take each day as it comes, no more worrying over what tomorrow may or may not bring.  In all honesty, I was never a real worrier but I do bottle things up and over time; this habit leads to the same kind of stress that worrying gives you.   

An increased sensitivity can also lead to a more positive outlook on life.  Life is really too short to be sad, unhappy, worried or negative.  I have changed my outlook and I see even more wonder in every little thing now.  Each day, when I get up it could be pouring in rain but it is always a beautiful day, always. I marvel even more in nature's glories than I did before, I wonder at the beauty of inner strength of all mankind, I am a kinder person, a happier person & I have finally accepted myself for who I am - if others do not accept or like me, that is their issue - I don't make it mine for it isn't my issue or business.   

I concentrate on my path, I help others if they ask for it but I don't offer help where it is not wanted.  Each day that goes by I try and live a better life and become a better person.  It doesn't always work for we all have bad days & as I am impatient & easily distracted, I can make huge mistakes just like everyone else does but I no longer give myself such a hard time over them.   Just as I forgive others for their mishaps that have somehow affected me, I can now do the same for myself.  

When you are diagnosed with a condition such as fibromyalgia, if you have any sense you turn and face yourself & ask, what is it I need to do to live a better and healthier life?  In this case I was lucky, a few good friends had given me a real good kick in the rear-end over various aspects of the way I was and this gave me a head-start.   

The twists and turns are indicative of the old me & the new me in battle.  Each day we recreate ourselves anyway but when we first try and do this, the old person tries to reassert themselves on the questioning psyche.  Sometimes it wins, even in later stages of recreation.  When this happened I had to learn from that lesson, face it with love and let it go & sometimes the old me, was not happy at being turned away & attempted to surface again and again.   
These incidences are less now & I vigilantly watch myself these days to ensure the old "me" stays put.  She was good in her time but I have outgrown her & I still am growing, she was a better person in the past but has no future with who I am now - in short, you change & sometimes accepting it isn't easy and you twist and writhe as you rebirth.

Dimensional Warrior - System Overload; The Sun is too Loud! - Trac Davies©

I was going to call this when the sun is too hot; (not that I suffer with this issue, winter is my hard time).  However, I thought about what entails those days when everything is too much.  For most part I manage the condition but I still have aspects that creep through & baffle the hell out of me.  I have know some people that find perfume too strong, music too loud & other things.  Apart from the medication issue, which is in part hereditary; exhaustion & sensation is where I find my systems overload.  

For example, walking over uneven ground hurts like someone is smashing my feet with a mallet. The quilt on the bed hurts my feet & feels like it weighs a ton. When I am hanging out the washing, the grass comes through my old crocs & instead of tickling my feet feels like little knives. the washing itself brushes up against me and feels like sandpaper.  This part baffles me, I cannot understand why the sensation of touch is exacerbated like this.  So, I always tend to wear boots when hanging out the washing, pull the covers higher so they don't drape over the end of the bed; etc, etc.  I get really cross about this, it makes no sense to me whatsoever although it has been said it is because the nervous system is on overdrive, I  wish it bloody well wasn't!  

The exhaustion I find when I am out walking about.  often my family are miles ahead of me and I toddle on behind because I am slow and I get very tired.   

The onion part of this painting is indicative of what it is like, there are layers upon layers of this condition, there might be a pause where no more are added for a while but then one day, you discover more & it is never ending. The four prong-like structures are indicative of nerves in the nervous system & how they appear to react to the outer stimuli.

Dimensional Warrior - Variations of Fog 1 - Trac Davies©

Fog: Everyone feels that it should be grey and to a certain degree this is true but there is more than one type of fog & each one is stimulated by a variety of things.  I have fire and ice, I have sickness and an over-stimulation of something that is good and fun.  All of these stimuli an affect what you are doing at that time and when the fogs are bad, lists are essential.  

A lot of people with fibro have issues sleeping, I am not usually in this category because I sleep through pain - in general.  If I am in pain, I can't think straight & become exhausted, that is one kind of fog.  Sometimes, the pain is fire, sometimes ice, it all depends on the stimuli and how you feel at that time.  Sometimes, when you are having such a good time it can either overwhelm or there is an aspect that triggers.  Crowds for example.  I usually am OK with them, they are not my favourite thing but occasionly I will fight to get out of a crowd.  

Sometimes, it all comes together, all at once.  What people don't realise is there is a type of beauty about it all because you become aware of things that other people either take for granted or can't see because they are mind-fixed.  I can see a crowd of people and if I am a little distant I can see the beauty of that vast oceanic tide of humanity but to become immersed in it feels something like drowning. 

These fogs that I have depicted are never stable, they shape-shift in colour and form and are living.  they have different aspects of movement as well, these are not stagnant fogs, these are the ones you learn from and can see the beauty of but there is another type of fog, I am presently working on that painting.  I will update this blog & finish what I want to say as soon as I have completed it.

Here is yet another stage of fibro and this isn't quite as positive but is still relevant.  Variations of Fog 2 - When you Lose yourself is about the darker aspects of living with an invisible disease.   I am relatively lucky, since I had an operation about two years ago I have found that many of the symptoms eased, I still have bad days but these not as much as before.  Before I had this operation I was sometimes in a great deal of pain. This mixed media piece of work how you sometimes feel.

Variations of Fog 2 - When you Lose Yourself. Trac Davies ©

When you lose yourself is when the pain gets that much that you feel that you are living in constant fog.  Your head feels like it is full of cotton wool, your brain is in a total whirl because you can't think straight, you feel naked and vulnerable, like you are wearing your condition on the outside and that's all that others can see.  This is because it often is, many people lack both understanding and the empathy to realise that in reality you feel in so much pain that you are not functioning fully.  I have had days like these but two years ago, I had an operation and the pain became less as well as the fogginess (although I still go to the fridge four times until I remember all I need!).  I no longer suffer like this but many people do and on a daily basis and there doesn't seem to be any let up for them.  

I do not know if I will paint another Dimensional Warrior.  Personally, I am much better than before but I still have this condition on a low level.  I am blessed that I don't suffer like those I have met and feel blessed.  However, I do remember what it is like to feel like this above painting, but most of all I remember how other people treated me when I was in this state.  The woman doesn't have a face for a reason, people stop seeing you, they only see the condition and your pain and suffering and some people treat those with invisible diseases such as fibromyalgia with great contempt.  For those contemptible people  who don't see you, don't have understanding, empathy or patience, I would like to say this: you want to thank the universe that you are not in this position, the world turns, we all get older and develop other health issues and some of those lead to fibro and other conditions like it.  Don't mock what you don't understand because one day you, yourself may have to understand it.  It won't be so funny then.

 

For further information and resouces:

http://www.tysiriol.com/  If you suffer from fibromyalgia and associated symptoms, Please visit this page and read Cathy's blogs.  She is a well informed, intelligent & very kind lady that really knows her onions.

http://www.ukfibromyalgia.com/

http://www.fmauk.org/

 http://www.fibromyalgie-france.org/

My work can also be viewed at:

http://www.artfinder.com/trac-davies
https://www.etsy.com/shop/TracDaviesArtist
http://www.redbubble.com/people/tracdavies
http://tracdavies.deviantart.com/   
http://www.zazzle.co.uk/tracdaviesartist 
https://www.facebook.com/TracDaviesArtist
https://twitter.com/tracdavies
https://www.tsu.co/TracDaviesArtist

Trac Davies - Artist ©