Friday 26 November 2021

The Migrant Crises: A Personal View.

The Cruel Sea.

I often pontificate and ramble on about my art regards to my own thoughts and beliefs. I personally feel art should be translated as you see it but there are other people that have asked me to explain my art or try to put it into some kind of context, but this isn't always the case. Sometimes I discuss situations that have struck a chord, such as feminism or my thoughts about the Divine Goddess aspect of my life. I don't tend to stick to one topic and ramble on about many things, I try to be as informed as I can but do occasionally miss something relevant. We can always try and include all points of view but at the end of the day, we are all accustomed to keep with our own ideas on the subject and try to explain why we feel as we do.

I want to write about the migrant situation and the problems that have arisen between the UK and France regarding this. At first let me say quite bluntly that I do not appreciate and actually deplore memes and jokes about sharks in the English Channel and suchlike. These are displaced people, they are human, just like everyone reading this is human and deserved to be treated as such and not as if they are a bad joke or a pain in the rear end. These people have fled terrible circumstances that you and I cannot even begin to imagine unless we have lived through such times ourselves. They have been moved and pursued from one place to another, long before they arrived in France and have received dreadful abuse.

The migrants themselves, apart from fleeing unstable and dangerous countries, are been used as pawns in political battles that has nothing to do with them. One recent example is between the EU, Belarus and Minsk. The EU have accused Belarus of using the migrants in a political game of their own devising, regarding their protest about sanctions. It was reported that they flew migrants from the Middle East and bought them by trucks from Belarus to the Polish border, which of course has been denied by Minsk. At one point, 100 migrants arrived by trucks, they were tired and angry, violence erupted as they attempted to cross the border by force, before they were moved on once again. 10 people died of the cold, this number included a baby of about a year old. They died attempting to shelter in a forest nearby. Since then, the tension has de-escalated and the migrants have been moved to a warehouse, some have been repatriated, many still feel in danger and although the tensions have now died down, many in the EU fear that this situation will rise once again but with refugees from Afghanistan.

Detail of Fire and Ice, The Meeting in False Spring. - Oil On Canvas. Trac Davies, L'arc-en-ciel spirale / Spiral Rainbow.

So, long before any of the migrants arrived in France they have been moved from pillar to post, they have been used in political situations and sanctions that have nothing to do with them and they must feel that their futures are very bleak indeed. Yet the political situation between France and Brexit Britain is extremely contentious and once again the migrants have been caught up in the quagmire that is politics. In France, politicians have stated that lax labour laws cause a haven for the illegal immigrant and this is why they want to go to the UK. Before any of you deny this, know that in the early 1990's, I once worked as a housekeepers assistant for a hotel in the south of England. The hotel I worked in was fairly above-board, but smaller hotels associated with it were full of illegal immigrants. They worked for very little, there was a huge turnover of illegal staff, who I found polite and just kept their heads down and got on with the job. Illegal immigrants have always been able to slip through the nets as such, why should anything be different now? The French feel that the Calais Migrants do not want to live in France because it is easier in the UK. Such legislation has to rest with the authorities, ordinary voters can do nothing about that. However it would be good of the people of both UK and France put everything into perspective and glanced at the graph in Le Monde. The UK has the lowest immigration rate, the French the second lowest, Hungary is at the top for the amount of immigrants that they have taken into their country, so much for these people wanting to go to the UK to live. The British have stated that they feel France do not do enough to police the situation, but they can't police everyone and as the number of refugees have reduced not increased they have been doing their job. However, there is an outstanding bill as £20,000 from £54,000 was alone paid to the French authorities, after some grumbling. Add to this the fishing rights war and the general hostility between the two countries since an already failing Brexit was put into place and you have a recipe for disaster. In short, both sides in some way are to blame for the situation, but they can't be held accountable for the migrants determination to cross the channel in a rubber dinghy, they can't be held accountable for the traffickers, who also tell these people that the channel is a lake. The question should always be asked is why they want to go to any particular country?

Les Gardiens de Bretagne. - Oil On Canvas. Trac Davies, L'arc-en-ciel spirale / Spiral Rainbow.

There seems to be a body of people on both sides of the channel that feel personally affronted about the migrant situation. They seem to think that it is a personal insult, that these poor, displaced people that have been shoved around from pillar to post, exist, especially when they are in their country. There was even a puppet refugee, a 3.5 metre tall child. Her name is Little Amal, which means Hope. Created by Handspring, she highlighted the hostility that refugees often experience as they travel along the Syrian border to the UK or the countries along the way that they settle in. She travelled 8,000km from Syria to Manchester. She was welcomed in Rome where she shook hands with the Pope, she was stoned on arrival in Greece, there were protests in Athens about her planned visit, so her route was diverted and even the mayor in Calais protested about her presence. This, you understand is a puppet and her presence absolutely underlined how refugees are often treated and the strong feelings that are evoked by their presence alone. The journey of Little Amal would not have been able to replicate the experiences a real child would have had and the things they saw. It is always the innocent that suffer but refugees never feel that they have a choice when it comes to fleeing. A child has even less input in these decisions and have to go along for the ride whatever has been decided. What I wanted to say to these people, that are insulted about refugees, that this was never about you. It was about a better life elsewhere, especially if these people had children. The media reports should not aimed to enrage or even disgust you, although the popular press will use any angle to sell newspapers, news is big business after all. Just remember the migrants that have died in crossing those seas, the men, women and children who pinned their hopes on another country welcoming them, somewhere they could call home. Just think of the reality, and realize that the ending painting, but much more horrifying and real, was the last thing that many of them saw and experienced.

After the Storm - Oil On Canvas. Trac Davies, L'arc-en-ciel spirale / Spiral Rainbow.

I wanted to add a personal note. Since Brexit I am now classed as an immigrant, I chose to come to Bretagne but did not have to walk for thousands of miles and despite the political turmoil, I have not fled a war-torn country and neither did I have to face comments when I arrived elsewhere such as, why don't you stay and fight for your country, when the weapons that are faced are vastly technical and all you have is a pitchfork or breadknife. I have thought long and hard about such comments and I find them both insulting and bizarre, I am pretty sure that the people mindlessly spouting such ignorance would run as the migrants have had to, rather than get blasted to smithereens by something that they just don't have the technology to fight against. I have found that even though I am just across the Channel, the culture is vastly different so what it must be like for people that come from further flung places, is anyone's guess. Being English and living in France I can see both sides of the story, but there is an article published in The Local France that covers all sides much more succinctly than I can, including more facts and figures and a global view. I have included it in the links below.

Thursday 25 November 2021

The Eternal Struggle of the Budding Creative.

Arrival.

These past couple of years I have struggled with blogging. Some of this is due to a feeling of general malaise regarding the Covid 19 situation, the lockdowns and travel restrictions that have resulted from this, but some of this eternal struggle is due to my my own personal circumstances. Despite this I am still creating as I shed my skin. I have been writing, somewhat sporadically and am at present, editing a book I have been working on, I am brainstorming ideas for the follow-up, I am writing poetry and I am still continuing to paint. I also have been trying my hand at sculpture and thinking about my creative future whilst adhering to the mantra, one day at a time as I wait for circumstances to change and attempt to makes plans.

I tend to have intense periods of creativity and fallow times where I occasionally wallow in thought, whilst reading as much French as I possibly can, wool-gathering as I go. I let myself drift and let the ideas increment and grow into something that I can work with as I meditate and consider.

Prayer - Oil on Canvas, Trac Davies.

Poetry is a form of creativity that I use when I am bubbling over with words and images and there is nowhere tangible for them to go. I tend to deal with ethereal along with real emotions as I ramble along both well known and unfamiliar mental pathways.

The Witching Hour - Oil on Canvas. Trac Davies.

Arrival.

I am both strong and vulnerable,

For I have allowed my entire nervous system to be exposed.

Bare branches of sensitivity lit by cold moonlight

and warmed by sunlight,

As it insidiously crawls to the surface of my skin.

Branching out from the inner core to feel and experience.
Freezing as it hits the outside world

Brittle iciness opposing my tempestuous heat.
I gasp with awareness that plays on raw nociceptors,

Synapses twang in empathy with other people’s energy,
It’s an instrument that I am forever tuning,

My ultra-precise inner barometer.
Sensitive to all thought and nuance,

Measuring both content and context that were beforehand unknown.
Before events I was “too sensitive”,

But these days I don’t apologise any more
For not being enough

for being too needy, too compromising,
So weak, because; “she is altogether too much.”

Conflicting emotions that raged an inner war that I did not be recognize.

I chitter-chatted in automatic response, because I never wished to put my baggage onto broader shoulders.

This verbosity, like wisteria shielded my emotional nudity from the harsher springtime elements,
Forming intense hues, flowering clouds that spiral ever outwards.

Yet at times, I feel like a Goddess with a sword strapped across my back
Viewing a particularly difficult mountain-range that I have to climb.

It’s curious that I feel both these things simultaneously.
Often the Mountains are my own behaviour

My own demons that I have to learn to love and forgive but also my progression
The goals I wish to achieve.

I climb them everyday, attaining a new plateau of understanding

But I have to be careful that I don’t pull myself apart anew
Into the pit of my own shame where I made terrible mistakes

Out of anger, grief or fear,
Or simply not knowing how to approach things.

A chasm between heart and mouth
Which many of us struggle with,

Because our brain is not engaged.
Such is the heart-breaking toll to pay when we wear our nervous system inside-out.

But still climbing, still swimming, still flying,
I know that I will arrive

Only to have to climb another mountain-range,
Swim another sea,

Or fly another slipstream

But I understand

Will

All

Worthwhile.

Eventually.

Detail of a WIP - Oil on Canvas, Trac Davies.

Please be patient, I'm rebranding everything and am attempting to build a website. Thank you.

My work can also be viewed at:

Tuesday 16 February 2021

Suspended Animation: I Fold up when Recharging Before Rebirth.

When life hands us too much to deal with all at once.

There are numerous coping techniques to help when we are overwhelmed with stress. There's music, meditation, yoga, exercise, the arts always help. If I'm overwhelmed with events, ramming my earphones on, blasting the music up and letting rip on canvas with a palette knife abstract always helps and tends to blow the cobwebs away.

Detail of Consilience. Oil on canvas palette knife painting.
Trac Davies Spiral Rainbow/l'arc en ciel spirale

However, occasionally events all tend to happen at once. At the offset we tend to keep going, but as time slices those slippery seconds away into the ether, we realize that those seconds, minutes, hours, days, and then weeks start to move at a pace that we cannot keep up with. Thus as events intensify, we feel as if we are mentally and emotionally swimming in treacle, which eventually turns into the belief that that we're sinking in quicksand. Sooner or later we become overwhelmed and it becomes impossible to continue, apart from doing those things in life that you absolutely have to do. This type of mental quagmire often triggers defence mechanisms and because we become stressed, depressed, feel all alone and totally overwhelmed we also feel that there's no way out. We courageously attempt to plod through it all whilst feeling attacked on every side. At its best, everything we might hear from those around us or read online feels like something that's been fashioned into a weapon against us. Despite these being downright uncomfortable, the arrows which trigger such emotions are an indication of the areas in our psyche where we need healing the most. They point towards the sources of anguish and if we are both brave and self aware of what might be going on with our rawest of emotions, hopefully we will have the wisdom to plunge deeper within and start the process of healing. This takes courage and it is not for the faint hearted. This process is generally known as the dark night of the soul and contrary to belief, it happens more than once in our lifetime and each time it does, we heal faster, or more completely than the time before. At its worst we do not realize that these triggers are pointers for healing and we take offence at everything that we see, hear or experience and we react angrily or aggressively. If we do not do the inner work it is because self awareness has not been triggered alongside of our wounds. This does often happen a couple of times before the realization hits us of what we are going through and what we are supposed to do for ourselves.

Suspended Animation: I Fold up when Recharging Before Rebirth. Oil on canvas.
Trac Davies Spiral Rainbow/l'arc en ciel spirale.

Often in life, when we are healing those inner wounds that have hurt the most, we will retreat. We drop everything that we have been doing, we go into a type of suspended animation and withdraw. For all intent and purposes, for those we know online it may well appear that we are functioning but those that truly know us quickly realize that the light might be on but in truth, nobody is home. The inner depths which we have to plumb to realign ourselves with who we truly are takes both time and energy. We continue to do the necessary things in life but there's only so much energy to go around and if you are serious about self healing, you cannot do it all. It often amazes me how some people appear to do such deep psychological and spiritual work on themselves whilst continuing to do everything else. This cannot happen because if you work in this way you will often miss the most important things that need to be faced because you are distracted. This is a lesson we learn the hard way, we can't be taught this by others who have already walked this path because everyone has different internal cut-off points where we automatically just drop everything. It's also about being ready to face those demons head on and give them the biggest internal hug that you can and love them for what they are.

Mitochondrial Eve. Oil on canvas.
Trac Davies Spiral Rainbow/l'arc en ciel spirale.

There are three sides to a coin. The first side, which dominates us whilst we are in this situation is our inner demon, an angel that cannot take anymore and is now seriously hurt and full to the brim of toxic anger but with the capacity to love deeply. If this side is prominent, self-love is all important. The other side is the healed angel, with their demonic side held in check who is full of loving light-energy, one who is no longer vulnerable and can protect themselves, humility is an important if this side dominates the psyche. However, the coin is held together by the coin's edge, this too has a name, humanity and this is what balances us up and helps most of all with reconciliation of the two opposing sides. We are humans but within soul, psyche and heart we hold an enormous amount of power to heal ourselves. Once this has been completed we can help others but we have to be up to that task both ready and willing. Being able to help other people get everything in balance means that you have to be balanced yourself.

Detail of Fire and Ice - Meeting in False Spring. Oil on canvas.
Trac Davies Spiral Rainbow/l'arc en ciel spirale.

Please be patient, I'm rebranding. Thank you.

My work can also be viewed at:

https://www.etsy.com/shop/TracDaviesArtist
http://www.redbubble.com/people/tracdavies
http://tracdavies.deviantart.com/
http://www.zazzle.co.uk/tracdaviesartist
https://www.facebook.com/TracDaviesArtist
https://twitter.com/tracdavies
https://www.instagram.com/tracdavies

Trac Davies - Artist ©

Monday 15 February 2021

How circumstances, personal or otherwise affects the creative process.

Covid 19 and all that Jazz!

There has been a long break since I last wrote my blog and I was surprised that I haven't blogged for over two years. In truth I've tried but my heart hasn't really been in it and I don't believe that I should write my blog when I just haven't heart and soul behind what I'm saying. My last blog was in the August of 2018, regarding The Black Dog series. I've tried three times since then to put electronic pen to paper, I've managed poetry, I've managed to get a lot further along with writing in general but I haven't been able to blog. Strange, why is that?

Suspended Animation: I Fold up when Recharging Before Rebirth. Oil on canvas.
Trac Davies. Spiral Rainbow/l'arc en ciel spirale.

Some of this is due to personal and family circumstances, which I am not going to discuss because it's not all about me and anyway, some events are not to be read by a stranger's eyes. I will say how much I admire people who continue to fly higher than myself despite difficult circumstances, because this has eluded me on many levels. However, I believe that since the Pandemic situation has arisen there is a general malaise that is being felt worldwide on a truly profound level. In truth, here in belle Bretagne, things for me have not changed much. I live in the back of beyond, in the winter everything is shut anyway and any lockdown, or as it's known in France le confinement, feels just like normal life. Of course this is only my situation, city life is not the same, being cooped up in an apartment is vastly different than living in the middle of nowhere, where the main traffic that goes past my gate are farm vehicles, wildlife and the odd car who drives gaily up the track leading to the fields because the GPS has sent them that way.

The Awakening. -Trac Davies, Spiral Rainbow/l'arc en ciel spirale.
Oil on canvas.

Despite the personal circumstances and the Pandemic I have continued to paint and study as much as I can. I've plodded on, I've continued to learn, I have not collapsed in a heap of concern, although I will admit that due to all these circumstances I've had some pretty rough days. Life is never easy and it's never clear cut, best to get on with the things that can be done rather than wish for those things that as yet are just not possible such as building business and growing my network of artists, for I've met some wonderfully talented people along the way and some truly beautiful souls.

Avoir la Banane - Oil on canvas.
Trac Davies Spiral Rainbow/l'arc en ciel spiral
This painting is part of an exhibition collaborated with Dr. Mike Tremblay and Jacqueline Eirian McKay.

I have also considered the environmental impact of being in lockdown. In 2020 dolphins were seen in the canals of Venice. Oil consumption dropped for a short period of time, the wildlife appeared to recover a little. Yet, it has been stated that the lockdown due to covid 19 will be negligible to the progress of climate change and we have only been allowed a glimpse of what could be. If only there were better sources of alternative energy sources, if only we could travel without the use of fossil fuels, I could go on but the basic facts is that we've got into consumer habits now and they will be extremely hard to break. As my son, who is an engineer pointed out to me in 2020, what drives the need for 5G is consumerism. If there wasn't the demand, there wouldn't be the need and this rings true for every energy product we use. We are responsible for our own carbon footprint but due to the energy industries continual use of fossil fuels such as oil and the ensuing energy crises which will follow, it makes it doubly hard for everyone to reduce their consumption. Climate change is now seen as irreversible and each time I hear or read about a species that is on the brink of extinction because of our consumerism rapidly accelerating the rate of climate change thus melting of the coldest places on earth such as the Artic circle, my heart breaks just that little bit more. I just can't bear it.

Detail of The Shaman's Vision. Oil on canvas.
Trac Davies Spiral Rainbow/l'arc en ciel spirale.

In addition, I have discovered in this period of time that there are a vast wealth of motivational memes on being productive or even using our genuis in confinement and curfews in place. These memes conflict with just as many that state not to take any notice of such posts because living in a Pandemic is psychologically taxing and it is counterproductive to push yourself when you may be depressed or anxious, or in some cases, in deep shock. These conflicting different memes were all over Facebook and other social media platforms throughout the year 2020 and occasionally make an appearance now. I have thought deeply about these types of information, and yes to a certain degree we can all progress but not everyone is a Shakespeare or Newton. This sort of genius is not accessible to many of the human population but being able to progress in our own small way is. Of course there will always be those of us who will fly high and that is admirable but takes nothing away from our own personal progress. We can admire, we can strive to attain but we should not compare our own progression with other people's. Moreover, because of the basic fact that there is much concern over those we love, at times there's just not the headspace to be able to learn a new skill and certainly not the energy. I live in France so apart from family that are here, the majority of those I love are in the UK. I am used to not seeing family and friends that are apart from me, therefore I do what I usually do and enter a state of detachment. I can cope better when being apart from them all if I live in such a mental state of suspended animation, but that does not mean that I don't worry about them and care deeply for them all, it just means that each day I can plod on and continue learning and trying to progress as much as I can rather than collapsing into a heap of heartache and thus stopping any progress at all because I am so worried about them all and want to see them but can't do anything about it.

Talking Heads - The Medic. Oil on canvas
Trac Davies Spiral Rainbow/l'arc en ciel spirale.

Thus here we are in 2021 with as much conflicting information as last year, with as many conspiracy theories and overwhelmed with all of it and our own personal circumstances. What have we learned from this experience? I believe that we are all still learning much, as long as our hearts and minds are open. We, as a collective should move forwards together, to build a better world and this would be the ideal but I will confess that I am skeptical about the most powerful and rich people on this beautiful planet being able to do just that because it appears that greed and, at times utter stupidity is still ruling the collective roost. Why should these people have so much power over the lives of so many people and species? This question still eludes me as the question about why they'll put money into trying to get to Mars and not trying to save the beautiful planet that we live on before it is too late.

Talking Heads - Selkie. Oil on canvas.
Trac Davies Spiral Rainbow/l'arc en ciel spirale.

My work can also be viewed at:

https://www.etsy.com/shop/TracDaviesArtist

http://www.redbubble.com/people/tracdavies

http://tracdavies.deviantart.com/

http://www.zazzle.co.uk/tracdaviesartist

https://www.facebook.com/TracDaviesArtist

https://twitter.com/tracdavies

https://www.instagram/tracdavies

Please be patient, I'm rebranding and changing things around and have to update everything. It's been a hell of a ride and still is.

Wednesday 29 August 2018

Black Dog - Departure.

Moving Away from a Depressive State of Mind: What lessons can be learnt or lost.

The Black Dog – Departure.

In the past few years, I have been working on a series called The Black Dog. I have been rather surprised by these pieces of work not only because of the random order that they have appeared, but also they arrive when they damn well feel like it, often when I’m planning on painting something entirely different! I still have one of the Black Dog paintings that I’ve been unable to finish, it’s sitting on the top of the wine rack in my studio and looks accusingly at me every time I pass it by. One day, the energy will open to me again and I’ll finish it but I have completed two other pieces in the lull.

One of these pieces wasn’t a painting but a pastel. I wasn’t planning on creating a Black Dog painting, I wasn’t even thinking of this series but somehow I managed to marry the series with another painting obsession of mine, the Red Riding Hood.

Here we see a black wolf rather than a black dog and its face is rather expressive. It sits with its back to the viewer but in between two trees, partially hidden by the closest tree to us. Although the wolf has its back to us, he turns and faces the viewer sorrowfully. The departing figure is walking away from the viewer and totally hidden in a cloak of red, the tail of the cloak reaches a large bole in the tree where a white owl sits watching the figure as she departs. A fox sleeps in the base of that same tree, which is illuminated on one side by a full moon. The scene lit by this same moon, shows that it is winter, there are no leaves on the trees or on the ground. In the background there is a stark, bare and gloomy forest this contrasts with the foreground of the piece. The picture is dark, which depicts that the woman has been dealing with ”a dark night of the soul” and although she’s leaving this state and starting to heal, she’s not in the light of day just yet.

Departure is when we finally face that it’s time to leave behind a certain mental state and go into the black of the unknown, leaving the black dog and all that it represents behind. The woman, doesn’t look back as she is leaving. She is cloaked and she will be highly visible wearing a cloak such as hers but she is but also protected. When one leaves a certain in depressive state behind, we wear a persona that is both of our true selves and not at the same time. Our innermost self is protected by this highly visible person that we become and we develop this outer person to distract others away from the healing but more vulnerable self. As yet, she is not ready to show her innermost private soul to the outside world and perhaps she never will be, maybe the persona becomes the person that she is most comfortable with.

The woman walks into the depths of the black night, she does this without looking back, only the moonlight illuminates her way. This light renders everything in black and white and shades of grey so although her way at first may appear obvious, the grey areas put everything she sees and experiences in doubt. We do not see her face, again due to protection of the inner psyche but also because she’s taking no notice of the observer whatsoever. Once we proceed with such deep healing work, bystanders almost cease to exist. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, healing work such as this is so deep, it takes all of our energy to start walking along this path. At first, when we are trying to untangle ourselves from the confusion of deep gloom of our muddled mind, which here I have depicted with the dark and gloomy forest, we are very self-aware that the world appears to be watching our struggles and this can sometimes exacerbate the struggle. However, once untangled from all those negative emotions, we don’t look back but we do go into our inner self so our deepest thought processes and to what our heart holds most dearest. This state of being can be triggered by both external and internal forces but we have to really want to go through this because facing ourselves is one of the hardest things we ever have to endure. Facing our anger, fear, sadness and toxicity takes inner strength and in all honesty, we usually need a boot up the arse to get us moving. In addition, we have to be ready to take heed of this boot and listen to it and our innermost self in the first place.

The tail of the cloak surrounds the bole of the foremost tree in which resides a white owl, symbolising both wisdom and purity of mind. Once we take heed of the external and internal forces that push us to move away from the gloomy forest, it’s wise to keep moving forwards. The owl, is self explanatory, inner wisdom watches our progress and ensures that we keep moving forward, however fast this is. Progress is all that matters, the speed at which we move forwards isn’t really relevant. Being able to move forwards after being caught in the snares and thickets of our own mind is the main thing.

The fox is also evident. Depression is a wily beast to deal with and so we too need wile and much courage on this journey. When struggling in the thicket of the forest with our black dog, the fox would have been awake so as to help us thwart it. However, now it sleeps but you can see from its posture that it can soon be roused again if needed.

Finally we arrive at the black dog, which in this case is a wolf! Wolves are known to be fabulous predators but they will shy away from humans unless they have no choice and are starving hungry, even then they would prefer other prey. This black wolf has been part of the woman’s psyche for a very long time, this is why it is now a wolf rather than a dog. It has had no choice but to be a predatory beast because she hasn’t been able to either leash it or paradoxically, set it free, thus it had been predating on her exhausted mind. The wolf sits with its back to us because this is not about the viewer or their state of mind. There is additionally a tree is between the departing figure and the wolf because she has started the journey away from depression, thus now she can’t really see where it is and what it was. This is true in depression, the journey away means that often we forget what we became at that time and so miss the opportunity to learn from it. The wolf turns to face the viewer rather than the departing figure. When somebody is in the darkest throes of depression, in many cases this is all bystanders and acquaintances see. They do not see the person inside and continue not to for some time afterwards and in some cases never see the real person. Thus we can be a totally different person with new and good perspectives, we could no longer be depressed but others will not always see this, they will just see what you were in the past. Thus the wolf looks only at you, because this is your perception of that person which has been judged on past behaviour.

In truth, depression can be our best teacher about ourselves if we let it be and treat it right but if we don’t start progressively moving forwards, it can turn on us. When we finally have the courage to walk away, if we are not careful we end up walking away from the lessons that we have learnt. Our black dog should be our teacher and can be an old friend if we treat it right. Our black dog is part of us. Here the figure in the cloak walks away without a backward glance. Although this is the right thing to do and the only course of action that she should take, her dog will always be with her, denying it the privilege of accompanying her from time to time will only make it more difficult to deal with if she comes across it again.

Therefore, you can’t truly suppress it, lock it away or leave it behind. Your black dog is part of you and her wolf is sad because she is denying herself these feelings that shouldn’t overwhelm her but are still part of her and need to be dealt with on a daily basis, even if it is to touch base from time to time.

Once we walk away from a depressive state, it’s good and the right thing and is also part of a huge mystery because we don’t really know what we’ll find there. To deny everything that has gone before can backfire. To let your black dog accompany you but leashed is the better alternative. Yet this is a deeper part of learning that many miss. It takes years to learn to love your black dog and snuggle with it but once you do THIS is when the healing truly starts.

Tuesday 31 July 2018

The Red Shoes.

The Red Shoes twinkle in shop lights
Artificial and bright, I feel stifled
A false arena, never belonging
I feel like a cow at the market
Apprehensively meandering in a daze
Just like a beast for the slaughter.
Looking for sandals that fit me
Something practical but hippy-chic pretty
Nothing with heels for those days have gone
I no longer feel sensational
Slinking jagged tiger, prowling at night
In jeans and leather or lycra.
I despise any form of shopping
Especially in fashionable boutiques
And all the sandals twinkle so prettily
Their narrow insteps all mock me
Their open toes have no tongue to poke
But if they did, they would and they'd say;
You cannot wear me!
You would never get me on!
I am far too slender a fit!
For someone like you!
Someone like me
I feel abnormal.
I wonder if this is why Cinderella went barefoot
Until the fashion fairy visited
And chose her dress, her shoes and her future
Forcing another woman onto her soul
With three wishes and empty promises
All about happy ever afters.
And as I contemplate the Red Shoes tale
I realise how similar the two stories are
Always about shoes and new lifestyles
Promising much but delivering nothing
Lies coated with champagne and chocolate
With bitter overtones on the tongue.
How could anyone say I like shopping?
As I lumber past displays in ugly crocs
And all the women there seem insubstantial
As if made out of mist and of moonlight
I try this pair, I try that pair but they're all too small
Sandals silently mock with vanished tongue.
But by now I'm hectic and muttering
Because I have never been a narrow fit
Not even when slim and so feckless
How I miss those golden days but hated shopping back then!
But didn't feel like an elephant in a ballet
Charging past the fashion queens with their tiny feet.
Who titter and mock my presence
Bright eyes watch someone they'll never be
And for their sakes I hope they won't walk this path
For it twists and it turns and is rocky
Yet age and health issues catch us on that road
Even when thin and insubstantial.
As time passes and we accumulate wear and tear
Yet I remember my youth and vitality
And I recall the confidence that this gave me
But those days have passed into another Dimension
And all that fit are these Red Shoes
That I, in my panic have chosen.

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Trac Davies ©